1. god? / YES? / Are my parents ever coming home?

2. Baby Doom knew that they all had to die / But after they died, who would change him? who could feed him? / There had to be an answer.

3. In the caves behind my house I found a softer world. / They understood what I did for love. / They don't believe in restraining orders

    4. I lost my whole family to the fire. I cried for weeks. Nothing could console me. / Until I woke up this morning, and I could fly. / Just spread my arms and go. | (just go)

5. The mayor says be calm. Waters rise, and towns flood. / That's a part of nature. We understand. / We do not understand the giant babies. | (care to explain THAT one?)

6. I can hear you under the floorboard while they sleep. / You think no one hears. / You think there will be no one to stop you. | (but I do)

7. There's a whole world down in the ocean. / filled with talking shrimp, and boys who call you back / but my breath won't hold long enough | (darling it's better)

8. There are people who believe a photo captures your soul. / For them this a terrible thing. / For me it's one last chance. | (one last desperate hope)

9. I was so sure my search would end when I found god, / But then I couldn't find my car keys, / and my cat ran away | (She was so fluffy)

10. I got a letter from my grandmother, though she's been dead ten years, / She didn't say "I miss you" or "I love you" / just "remember when I lent you rent money?" and "I need you to pay me back" | (I thought for sure I'd never have to pay)

11. He never meant for it to end. / He wanted to give her everything. So when she said "higher," he pushed her higher. / But she said "No. Higher." | (I could never deny her anything)

12. a woman started growing where we planted the seeds just like in the ad, / I remembered to water her every day, / for a while. | (oops)

    13. One year for mother's day, my mother took me to the beach / / and left. | (happy mother's day)

14. I took the wrong delivery van for a joy ride. / They hunted me down. They took my from my home. / They fed me ice cream cake until I passed out. | (it wasn't that bad, really)

    15. I have this dream where my sister is taking my picture, / and I keep saying don't get on the plane / and she says say cheese | (I miss her)

16. my sister and I were found abandoned in the worst snowstorm anyone could remember. / We thought we were lucky until highschool / when we both totally got a zit on prom night. | (like, totally!)

17. After the war, the fallout drove us underground. / "Follow the tunnels toward the light," our president said, / "toward the smell of cotton candy." | (he had a trustworthy smile)

    18. There's a whole world off this island. / All it takes is one long swim to start over. / Tell my mother I love her. | (go, emily, go!)

19. It's too late now. / Millions of bottles are already on the shelves. / Every one of them a winner. | (kids everywhere are so excited)

    20. I laugh along / but inside I know that it's true; / Being in love is totally punk rock. | (quiet kisses are so hardcore)

21. Tourist season is the hardest for me. / When I feel an attack coming on, / I lock myself in the bathroom and I laugh until I cry. | (changing of the guard)

22. I'm afraid to go on this mission, afraid of sabootage of system failure / but when I tried to tell my mother / she smiled so wide and said "my son the astronaut" | (oh, what do I do?)

    23. When the moon is full I turn into a werewolf and I eat people / I grow fangs and claws, and an appetite for flesh. / I am writing a book of love poetry. | (wil wheaton! OMG)

24. Looking back on that day I can't help but wonder / What if I had brought more bread for the ducks? / Did I bring this on myself? | (intelligent black eyes)

25. Every day I see the hitchhikers out on the highway / I could stand beside them, thumb out, Leaving this little town behind, / except I haven't got any hands. | (an amputee or ... something else?)

    26. yes, I believe in love. yes, I'm a dreamer. / but I'm not alone, there are more of us than you suspect, / and we've got bombs, truth and beauty bombs. | (shrapnel)

27. When you're around I don't know how to hide my feelings. / I count in binary, in my head. zero one one zero one one / and you count clouds

28. They pulled our names out of a hat / and when he broke down crying in the parking lot / I wondered if I was making a mistake. | (marriage club)

29. My dad says sometimes things aren't a simple dichotomy. / he tucks me in and says sometimes doctors are only human / and that I am a girl because they flipped heads instead of tails. | (Is it a boy or a girl? Maybe.)

30. My gramma has this joke where she says "Knock knock" / and I say "Who's there?" / she says "I can't remember" and starts to cry | (This is what frustrates me)

31. Dear Mr President, your time is almost up. / Love, Baby Doom. / P.S. diaper prices are ridiculous. | (in the UK they say nappies)

    32. The sleepover is an integral part of a young girl's social life. / My friends are here to talk about boys and laugh. / I'm here because my mother locked me out again. | (smiling fights the lonely monster)

33. go ahead, invite some man to live with us / you think he'll clean your hair while you sleep? / you think he loves you like I do? | (does he you even clean his own hair?)

    34. There will always be people taunting me / laughing because I tower above them, a giant. / Pointing with fingers that have never touched a cloud | (never slapped five with god)

35. There's magic in science, / in every plastic bottle of tranquilizers / there's an apple for my sleeping beauty. | (hold what you've got)

    36. a puddle in a basement grew and grew, / and the whole town rushed to save fax machines and public records / while I rolled up my pant legs. | (birds gotta fly)

    37. I called my therapist yesterday, in a panic. / I said, "what if the sky falls again?" / and she said "well, what if you fall in love?" | (true dreams)

38. I should have been brave enough to just ask your name, / instead of screaming "I CANNOT CONTAIN MY LUST" / now you probably think I'm a creep | (I can contain it, if I have to)

39. On my mom's birthday, I put on my best suit I get a haircut. / / I pretend she's coming home. | (I wasn't sure which cake you wanted)

    40. My grandfather died in a war. / My father died in a war. / Me? I'm holding out hope for a zombie attack. | (Meet me in the street.)

41. I've started a terrorist cell. / We're going to do away with dating services. / We're going to burn down Weight Watchers | (I used to want to plant bombs, the night of the prom)

42. When I get to the future, things will be different / people will respect one another, war won't exist. / we will finally understand sex. | (cars that hover and dads who come home)

43. I was going to figure out the postage, / and send you my heart / for Christmas. / But my friends taked me out of it. / they said "Why would you send her something broken?" / | (we've been good, but we can't last)

    44. I'd like to read a story in the newspaper that ends with / "but she was just having a bad dream," / "really she's okay." | (seek release)

45. when I get out of here, things will be different. / no more cages, no more kibble 'n bits / I'll go on dates with pretty girls | (seek release, boy)

46. a girl in my class killed herself last week / everyone says there's a note she left behind, / everyone says she mentioned me | (you were always laughing)

47. After the accident, it was just the family dog and me. / I started letting him sit at the table, / dressing him in my daughter's clothes. | (I wish I was never born! I hate you!)

    48. My gang initiation went well, I think. / We talked about the subjectivity of morals / and I learned how to make a shank. | (I smile when I belong)

49. It was a plague nobody expected. / puberty again, instead of death. / cracking voices and new bodies we can't understand. | (the ravages of puberty leave nobody unscathed)

50. "I can make you happier than he did." he says. / He laughs / and flutters a bit. | (the ravages of puberty leave a few unscathed)

51. I don't know if your wings are real, / but I've never seen you without them, and I follow you everywhere. | (you have a nice living room)

52. When I watch the birds playing / I want something and I don't know what. / I guess that means sex. | (is there something wrong?)

53. obsessive compulsive disorder / was my dad, drunk, laughing / "six hundred and eight cars? are you SURE?" | (you fucked it up)

54. there's a creature out there / some ancient machine of muscle and scales, / that I can sell | (history cutlets)

55. when the aliens arrive, and kill our leaders, / I will write them a letter / that says "what about their kids?" | (what about their friends?)

    56. I never meant to be a political assassin / but he invited me out the point / and he tried to kiss me | (but nobody says no to me)

57. I'm sorry I took your beauty for granted before the accident. / / I guess it doesn't matter now. | (no, honey, you look fine)

58. everyone expects me to be jealous / instead of relieved / to have his hands off me. | (really, I am glad the romance is gone)

59. cornered by zombies, all I can think to do / is confess. / It was me that told dad you were gay. | (but I never told him about your best selling romance novels.)

60. on the paper, she had written "you" / and she told me "that's a list of the people / who are standing too close." | (I ain't your pal.)

61. They won't let you borrow any of the art / but they get so mad when you sit down / and start touching yourself there | (I'm here for ART, sir.)

    62. when we die, we come back different, / like, with greener eyes, / or as some far off star | (you'll be someone you wouldn't understand)

63. The sunniest day, and everyone wants / to call the cops about that body we found / whatever, man. | (like she's going anywhere)

64. halfway down she remembered / that Golden Girls wasn't out on DVD / which could have gone in the CONS column | (thank you for being a friend)

65. Two years in a row now / someone I loved died on my birthday / and my party was cancelled. | (fool me once, shame on you)

66. sometimes when I wake from sleepwalking / I'm in the woods / sometimes I'm working as a 'hostess' | (I wake up in long term relationships)

    67. As a child, I learned that books can set you free, / an encyclopedia held over my head / waiting in the dark as he crept into my room | (long overdue)

68. ME: SWF, 23, / YOU: non monagamous, interested in overthrowing the hetero-normative ownership paradigm, / not ugly | (serious inquiries only)

69. I read bowling like tea leaves / every pin I knock down is a boy who'll break my heart / and I always bowl a perfect game | (when I was young I believed in gutter balls)

70. My mother used to say right out loud, / that the homeless should eat their children to survive / and when they looked, they looked at me. | (My mother knew all the words, word for word.)

71. As a young man, I made windchimes from everything, / like the plastic packages / to the birthcontrol your mother assured me she was taking | (and from the pewter gifts she gave every christmas.)

72. I used to walk my older brother to work every day, arguing. / until he was hit by a car, I thought that he enjoyed it too. / but he whispered "I wish I could fire you," and died | (Don't you have anywhere else to be?)

    73. I told everyone I built my robot wife for sex / but late at night when we're alone / we mostly play Battleship. | (She's never too tired.)

74. I couldn't see through the blood and tears / I kept saying "Is that all you got?" even after they ran off. / "Maybe your mom could come down and help?" | (Ask her not to wear those army boots, though.

75. "It wasn't radioactive," the doctor said. "It was a Brown Recluse spider." / "Fuck that." I said. "My spidey sense is tingling!" / "That's nerve damage." he said. | (for jeff rowland)

76. A five doll ar bag of fireworks and an offhand joke / about popcorn chicken. / | (I miss city life)

77. Out in the yard, birds were coming back from the dead. / They were too slow to fly, lumbering towards their victims / chirping "braaaaains..." | (when there's no more room in pigeon hell...)

    78. They kicked me out of school / because in health class I yelled out / "That's what the government did to my people." | (they said they'd call)

79. We bet him five dollars that he would drown. / / A bittersweet victory. | (and you'll look stupid then!)

80. Terrorists attacked and I called my sister, / She said it was too much drama before her morning coffee, / and hung up on me. | (Terrorism delays vote, kills.)

81. Sometimes it feels like the future is here. / soon we'll have flying cars and robot boyfriends / who don't freak out about venereal disease. | (well, then by your argument, 1 in 5 people are whores)

82. What kind of person talks trash / during a chess game? / someone looking to get shot. | (good game)

83. I wonder were there lesbian dinosaurs, / hair short balls out / rocking the bass guitar. | (rawr!)

84. [not including 84 for ableist slur misdeeds]

85. everyone else laughs / when my mother says the fur in her coat is from dogs / but I've seen her long thin knives | (I've got poodles, yeah, I've got pomeranian gladness in my heart!

86. she sits outside every morning and cries / and where each tear lands a flower grows / the neighbours think I beat her. | (Every petal an accusation, every bumbling bee a pointing finger.)

87. a weekend road trip for an abortion party / which is just like a baby shower / except the mother can drink | (Now we can go back to living in sin in peace.)

88. in my dreams the guns are toys / i have to bluff that they're real / to make you notice me | (but when it comes to being loved, she's first)

89. [also redacted for slur misdeeds]

90. She always thought I was joking / about putting her in a home. / I thought so, too. | (Goodnight, mom.)

91. "No," I said. / / "The rule is I can't see YOU in the dress." | (rules are rules!)

92. "That was Baby Doom you hit," / the police said / "it's ok to stop crying" | (we will have a spare room again, and mankind is safe!)

93. I meant to suicide / but the warm water was your voice / and I touched myself instead | (and i slept well)

94. they told her she was barren / and I said "marry me, / I'll tell everyone I knocked you up." | (turn that frown upside-down)

95. the dog got into my babies / all you could hear was barking and shrieking / all through Oprah. | (I'm coming. I'm coming. Wait til the next commercial.)

96. my super power is / everyone smiles at me / I don't know who to trust | (you have a beautiful smile)

97. they say I just try to impress my dad / but that man isn't my father / god is | (I'll make you proud, dad!)

98. you used that brush for the cat and ruined my voodoo love spell / now every time I pick up the phone / I hear soft, sad purring | (I hear scratching all night)

99. some laundrettes eat socks / the one in my neighbourhood / eats hope | (AND socks)

100. I sould my soul to be the first mannequin who loved. / / I should have asked for legs. | (I cannot kiss you and I want to.)

101. your breasts think i'm sleeping while i plot my milky doom, / but i'm not. i'm watching them, / and jerkin' it. | (jiggly milky doom)

102. atomic war means no traffic in the mornings / no bills in the mail / i can stay in bed with you all day | (plz don't leave me!)

103. When his mother died / I suggested we take a vacation, to get away / We got cable instead | (i hear him talking during the commercials, alone, arguing.)

104. that was no star last night / radio says it was the space station exploding / no wish for me! | (I wished I was a little bit taller.)

105. my new year's resolution / is to only date asians between the ages of 24 and 25.7 / that's just who I am now | (and on Tuesdays I'll be straight, and Thursdays I'll be gay).

106. maybe next year is the year / maybe last year / | (maybe 1996 was)

    107. we broke every mirror / trying to climb into a world / where the car got hit by her | (I'm sorry I was angry)

    108. my best friend is queen of the dinosaurs / she also looks bad in a bikini / though I dare you to say something | (I don't want to hear your voice around here no more)

109. I hide in the closet and listen to the ghosts come out / "The coast is clear," they say / "Let's clean the whole house while everyone is away." | (who stole the cookies from the cookie jar? YOU DID MOTHERFUCKER

110. Judge all you want because everybody dies / not everybody gets a chance / to pull out their unit on live TV | (my PIECE)

    111. God? / YES? / / | (.......)

112. all he does is shotgun beers / so I injected my neglected love / into a can | (YOU'RE a euphemism)

113. we heard that rice expands, exploding pigeons / so we mixed them some rice and glitter / and held hands in the park | (Glitter death. like crib death, but prettier)

114. my brother fell and hit his head / the doctors said he was fine / even though he changed his name to Handjob Susan | (handjob susan, private eye)

115. I gambled your secrets in an air-hockey game / when I lost I went double or nothing / and bet your new puppy | (Welcome to the Terrordome.)

116. middle of the night I smell coffee / I get all the way to the kitchen, smiling / before I remember you're dead. | (you're up early... hello?)

117. Dear my baby's momma, / regret is waking up to realise / some nobody takes whose quiet walks with you now | (what we talk about when we talk about love)

118. when a person finds their calling god shines through them / like John Prine singing sad songs / like you loving someone new | (but old people just grow lonesome)

119. I became a doctor to meet women / they love my stethoscope my grey eyed lust / as I whisper "what would you do to live?" | (Is this cold?)

120. As a child, I killed animals / Not for any rush but because they seemed so sad / and I didn't know what else to do | (what would they do with their freedom?)

121. through your bedroom window you look so sad at night / and I imagine I am what you need, but realize / that's crazy | (even I know that)

122. I don't want to have sex with lesbians / I just want skateboard bruises late night video games / but they all give me that look | (recidivist: yes)

123. Some people collect stamps / I break into priests' homes / and steal their dirty shorts for my vending machine | (I also collect stamps.)

124. when I played "doctor" / / I played to win | (this is Emily and she is so pretty)

125. a boy from highschool found my site / and wants to "catch up" / though he can't remember my name | (this is lisa and she does not have a website)

126. I like falling off my skateboard the way I like loving you / broken hearts, like broken bones / hurt well | (this is Maggie and she is tough tough tough)

127. I said a hundred times I would give my soul to have you back / but I didn't sign nothing / / | (your machinery is too much for me)

    128. primo levi wrote "It is the duty of righteous men to make war on all undeserved privelege, / but one must not forget that this is a war without end." / You handsome fuck. | (and the saved)

129. We can give you a new body, a new voice. you'll miss your parents, and the sun, / but you could sing. | (we all float down here)

130. Your mom came by the store to buy a statue / I honestly meant to say "I like your hair" / but it came out "I'm pregnant" | (i am too young to be a granny)

131. to prevent premature ejaculation / i think about farm life god I hate animals / and sex | (WHAT)

132. I think my cat has been replaced by a listening device / but I'll feel like a jerk / if I open her up to check | (yes)

133. our friends all died before we realized we wre trapped in an old horror movie / / like kids in a candy store | (Oh man. What could happen next?)

134. when we kiss I can hear your thoughts / / so I would rather we didn't | (also, maybe you could brush more)

135. the ice caps melted but we were prepared / with our waterproof valentines / with our scuba gear for kittens | (can you imagine how disdainful they'll look?)

136. I built a machine to hear duck thoughts, / a haunting chorus / "now we will rise up, rise up and kill them a- WAIT! IS THAT POPCORN!?!" | (WE CAN AFFORD NO MORE DISTRACTIONS)

137. He said "You make all my organs slosh around loose," / but I blushed, flattered, / when I should have been calling nine one one. | (you make my heart stop)

138. every statue in town came to life / but they'd been watching long enough to know better / than to ever move | (why not smile?)

139. when my mother died we flew her home / where there's no law / against animatronic taxidermy | (she would have wanted this last, unending dance)

    140. I woke up shaking from a dream where she died in that desert / and you held me and said "I'm here," / which wasn't good enough | (everything will be okay, i'm here)

141. email me dirty pictures of you with my name in marker everywhere / i get crazy thinking about your eyes when you cry / i miss you all wrong. | (the resolution doesn't matter)

142. After they dropped the bomb on us I got a job / cleaning up people / off the parade route | (i also do weddings)

143. Hey, it's me. I meant to take the kids and the cat to the park. / But I guess we just kept driving. / Anyway, you should change that message. | (good luck!)

144. you laughed and called it my "amnesia gun" / which it isn't / unfortunately. | (masturbation as therapy)

145. I took apart the gears that caught my little girl / and I built it in her bedroom, so loud and bright, / the way she had been. | (love will light up my room)

146. tell me again how my sperm didn't make her gay / unless you're in a hurry / to tell some kids about santa | (i know it in my heart to be true)

147. the day will come and we will ride men / until their feet break / and we have enough glue for our homemade christmas cards | (macaroni and glitter)

148. I'm married to the sea / / but don't tell her I called her that | (SHE IS BEAUTIFUL AND WHEN I AM AWAY FROM HER I MISS HER)

149. Teeth. Pearls. / / I am officially the worst mugger ever. | (pawn shop tutorials)

150. limbless children are no less annoying / / but they are less mobile | (smell you later)

151. loud couples are a perk of the job / and then you notice dad's beamer in that room's space / but you're already done | (my dad's a laugher)

152. The trick to pet names is the combination of affectionate nouns / Honeybun. Sugarpie. / Kittentits. | (Remember when we used ot have sex?)

153. Yes I want the operation, / my siamese twin is an angel, / but that gets old quick | (yes your wings are beautiful. yes they shimmer. god.)

154. My house burned down / and I lost everything, again. / It feels better every time. | (maybe tomorrow i'll want to settle down)

155. I found my baby teeth in the car's ashtray. / "That's two bucks worth of teeth," mom said. / "Did you bring it? I owe that nurse money," | (and there were some bridge tokens too)

156. "My dad gets me COKE for my birthday. Like Santa drinks." / Hilarious, right? Merry Christmas, dad. / GET IT? IT'S JESUS TALKING | (dad thinks that's funny I guess)

157. the guy at the store said this plant had spores that would end racism / / I think I got jewed. | (nobody gonna wesley snipe me)

158. I took a bottle of pills when I found the photographs of them together / But instead of dying I pooped all over our bed / which si a funnier story, in the long run. | (ladies, please. One at a time.)

159. Black cats, ladders and broken mirrors / that was all fine. / Egging that hearse was where we went wrong. | (make your own luck my ass)

160. every cut and nosebleed goes into Barbie's neck hole / already her skin feels softer more alive / but now I'm thinking Skipper is prettier | (I paid for her. She's mine.)

161. I installed a camera to see the world from a new perspective. / Anyway, she's the one having sex with her shoes on. / how am I the pervert? | (I will never look at stars the same way)

162. The sappy music comes up and I wipe the tears from her face / and into a heart-shaped vial / Tears make the best lube | (not... not that we need it.)

    163. I have super powers and a costume. / Every night I panic just outside my door / But every night I try again | (what if people don't want my help?)

164. love you, / miss you, / wish you weren't queer. | (get well soon)

165. sometimes I will fake a Chinese accent to get laid / but after I've come, I'll switch back / just to be a jerk. | (A taste of the orient! HOT)

166. A surprise nosebleed during sex got blood everywhere / But we didn't stop we painted our bodies like savages / Wait, was that racist? | (now it's a journal comic? boring.)

167. My mom's buried out in these woods. / She wanted her ashes scattered at sea but it's like she always said / "No." | (it just wasn't reasonable)

168. I like to climb trees, that's normal, right? / I like to play dice. I like to knit. I like to rollerskate. / Everyone gets so hung up on me dating a zombie.

169. should have played hooky should have gone skinny dipping / / should have asked maureen to the forest prom | (oh, maureen)

170. I have a list of stupid things to do before my suicide. / I keep going back, though. / making sure I did everything right. | (and maybe I keep adding to the list)

171. dad says that gramma is always with us / even though I am sure he can't hear her / when she sings me my lullaby | (she says, now, what should be different?)

172. wish number one was all my ex-girlfriends turned into cats / wish number two was a burlap sack / wish number three was the new Nintendo DS Lite | (worms)

173. my daughter is a terrorist. a mother knows. / she is my little girl, though. / those people are strangers. | (filling barbie's corvette with manure)

174. I always wanted to be invisible for pervy reasons / now, because everyone is always staring / because I lived and you didn't | (I guess you were my first boy wonder)

175. I've always known I'd be a bank robber. / So judge all you want, ladies and gentlemen. / Because you never did become an astronaut. | (don't be so foolish)

176. the best time to skinny dip alone is dusk / your hips and breasts rolling in the water, waiting / to be the next Loch Ness Monster | (Tough break, kid.)

177. squid make poor wives / all those arms are good for cuddling / but nobody wants a beak job | (but you get free ink cartridge refills)

178. When the government outlaws sex I will kill the president / I will burn the flag / I will touch you where you need | (twice at least)

179. after you died I got a puppy / I wear your clothes and tease her sometimes / in case you come back | (pookums still loves ME though)

180. the newspapers made a big deal about my heritage / but ignored my tattoo / 'fuck politics I just want to burn shit down' | (it's a coverup tatt, as I don't love Amy anymore)

181. you still surprise me waking me up to watch our guessts / i want to dip their hands in warm water / you want me to dip their hands in you | (they don't know what they're missing)

182. after our fight jimmy's dad hit him for beating a girl / and today jimmy says he let me win anyway / so I aimed for the fresh bruises this time | (at least he has a father)

183. all my friends are assholes and I am asshole / tomorrow I am picking a new host body / for real this time | (or maybe i should get a job)

184. I mixed my mother's ashes with her red wine and drank / and I spoke with her voice / "I thought you didn't want to come down here again tonight, officer?" | (try this at home)

185. I hire a prostitute to play tag and hide and go seek / she thinks it's weird repressed sex stuff / I just miss having friends who are girls | (I don't mind paying. It's worth it.)

186. Our teacher said "female masturbation is a myth" / so I climbed up on his desk, / and became a legend | (nice girls don't)

187. every night I slip powdered peanuts in her food / she isn't really allergic / but pretending calms me down | (shellfish? again?)

188. something moves under her skin / when we kiss he has too many tongues / but she's beautiful | (and i don't want to be alone)

189. Gandhi said "be the change you want to see in the world," / fuck that / be the trouble you want to see in the world | (what a t-shirt idea!)

190. i look at old photos and believe it's still happening / / "treatable symptoms" my doctor says | (flush one pill, three times daily)

191. I write myself notes, reminders, / "Johnny is the tall one" "Burt is gone." / "What happened in Vegas, has to stay in Vegas." | (i can't remember what that means)

192. a dozen people have already asked / "it was raining crabs, did you see them?" / but last night, I felt like it was just for me | (miracles bring tourists)

193. work is a vampire that sucks me dry / which is a metaphor / but still the reason I stuck a chair leg through my manager | (my garlic breath is unprofessional is it?)

194. i FREEDOM FIGHTER BOMBING love you whether you reply or JIHAD not / if my GODLESS WESTERN PRESIDENT letters are flagged / our love will outlive us in their SUBWAY SARINE GAS computers | (even after we're done)

195. I cut open my leg to push a cellphone inside / there's a webcam in my left breast / I will never be alone | (it is worth setting off metal detectors)

196. on days like this I would just disappear / if it weren't for you and your love / like nails in my feet | (......)

197. all the whales washed up on shore / so we filled coolers with beer / and took the day off to watch them die | (an eyeball should never have sand on it, even one that big)

198. people in trouble that's my pornography / people at their very worst / and it's totally work safe | (another bathroom break)

199. Everyone is staring as the priest hands the megaphone back to me. / "You all just attended my gay wedding," I say. / "Surprise!" | (or, as I like to call it, my wedding)

200. when they film my biopic I want sex jokes and packed theatres, / which is how I would have lived if I'd known / | (fuck critics, you can kiss my whole asshole)

201. The fall left him with brain damage and two long scars. / We tease him. "Oh him? He fell out of the ugly tree." / He looks the most like our brother when he laughs. | (wee miss you)

202. Normal people don't steal dirty panties to feel close to someone. / / Is that what you're saying? | (tell me another one)

203. heterosexuals can fuck with fists too, / my girlfriend and I prove it every night / even if she won't let me try it on her. | (I spy with my little eye)

204. I like to get all tied up and to rescue myself / then it's off to the park, and a scoop of ice cream / for my hero | (never in the same room as myself)

205. I built a meditation womb down in my basement / and I installed a phone so I can call my mom and creep her out / "Guess where I am?" | (you'll never guess!)

206. this is the best snow for sledding / my children and I laughing and hollering down the hill / our car radio blasting | (and don't tell your father we did this. he'd divorce me)

207. Nobody wants to die: "I miss my little girl, I never said goodbye," / Oh, suck it up. / She won't live forever either. | (now let's go haunt the fuck out of Jeff)

208. All I want for Christmas is snow. / / Or jingle sharks. | (this resort has no egg nog)

209. For my psych class I had to devise the perfect murder / I got an F but I'm doing it / I'm joining the army. | (turn toward the camera and smile smile smile)

210. there, that wasn't so bad, was it? / flush goes the microchip! / who lives off the grid? is it you? is it you? yes it is! | (oh, haha, microship babies! what a hoot! what a stretch!)

211. "we can't afford a vacation," I tell her, and she nods, / "gas, mortgage, electricity, we have obligations," I say, / one-way tickets hidden behind my back | (vacations don't have to end, they aren't like love affairs)

212. since the baby, my wife she has depression, so I'm having a fake affair / "Honey I'm late again, don't you want to scream or yell / or get out of bed?" | (oh no, is that lipstick on my collar?)

213. yes, now you're prettier, you're happier all the time / but i liked it better when your eyes were crooked / Where's the bitter wall-eyed girl I fell for? | (we'll need to find you a new pet name i guess)

214. I take nude photos of myself every year / in case I get old and / need a good laugh | (you think you're so smart but I've seen you aked)

215. when I picture you with your new lover I get angry, / and then sad, / then kind of horny. | (I miss you)

216. he hasn't come back there are still noises coming from the cellar / later, when we find his body in a closet or something / he is getting an "I told you so." | (a boyfriend who doesn't enjoy horror movies? good riddance.)

217. they have a wax statue of my father, the young war hero, that anyone can pose with / maybe he was trying to say he was proud / but when I felt the wax hand I pretended not to notice | (too little too late, creepy)

218. oh god, oh god. / okay. calm down. say something. break the ice. set her at ease. / "I'm unarmed." | (because, uh, you might have heard I run with a dangerous crowd?)

219. I have a deal with myself / read one book get one night of dancing / life is good. | (We can read out loud to each other, while we're getting ready!)

220. When we were alone she kissed me touched my breast / and I told her, 'this is wrong.' / like she asked me to. | (sometimes i get so excited i throw up)

221. I have no use for "before and after" pictures. / I can't remember starting, and / I'm never done. | (to die would be an awfully big adventure)

222. Every time we see my aunt, it's "Have you heard the good news?" / So, every time, we pretend to guess. / "You're gay? Uh, I'm gay?" | (did she think we forgot since last easter?)

223. I traded me little brother for a new scooter. / "Yeah mom, I think I saw him crawl out the back door." / scoot scoot scoot | (there were like thirty scooters in that ice cream truck)

224. I stole a time machine so I could buy liquor for my friends / back when they were underage / and still into experimenting | (sooner or later it comes down to fate)

225. I spend my lunch hours surrounded by people, who apoligise for every touch, / so today I hugged a stranger / and a thousand lonely people rioted | (I couldn't stop smiling in the back of the police car.)

226. I write down every mis-capitalized in nan's letters from the home to find her real messages / "I am digging a tunnel." "That blonde guard better not interfere." / "I've made a shank." | (this place makes me an animal, I will not die in here)

227. Truth and Beauty are wonderful words / but shrapnel is shrapnel and at the end of the day / I am alone with the things I have done. | (we buried truth under playgrounds)

228. This is the fifth afternoon we've spent just making cupcakes / maybe we didn't survive that crash / | (another maria 3 tournament tonight, ladies?)


573. I don't understand your complaint. / There totally is a straight pride march. / That same day, too. On all the other streets. / (now are you going to take your shirt off or not?)


1180. all i want is a pill to take once and become my best self forever / and never stop being happy / and finally let the villagers burn me / (I need your love)


    1199. I wish being in love was enough. / / I wish it counted for anything at all. / (I wish I knew what you were missing)


1204. I'm not unreasonable. / I don't want to live forever. / I just want to live longer than everyone else. / (I don't have to run faster than death. I just have to run faster than)


1214. / It's better to burn out than to have to keep living / (My candle burns at both ends, it will not last the night. Thank god)

1215. An easy alternative to meditation / / is just letting yourself not care for a few hours. / (a better alternative is forever.)


1224. Remember when your potential / was a promise / instead of a regret? / (potential is just a promise you break to yourself)


1231. The end will come like an iceberg / and I will help everyone into the lifeboats / hiding my relief behind a hero's mask / (selflessly getting what I wanted)


1234. / love is a dream / someone else had last night. / (no i don't want to hear about your dream)